Why do i bother working so hard?

So sorry this is going to be sad and a rant I'm afraid i have had a bit of a time lately - I no my last post was positive but this one is not so much.



My question to myself is why do i work so hard - i am such a geek when it comes to work - i have never missed a lecture or a seminar I do all the work and i try hard yet the grades are not the grades i deserve for the effort i feel i put in. It is soooo frustrating.

It i like i am back at school again where i work hard and the result i hope never come - i thought it would be different now that i am at uni and i have chosen a course i want to do but no still then same. The thing which really annoys me more then anything is people who don't go to lectures or seminars and wap the work out in a couple of days - it is so frustrating.



So from last post i get offered a job and now this - I'm so pissed off with myself - the work i put in never pays off. which really annoys me as i jeopardise everything as i want to be a success. During freshers week when i had no work or worries - i was actually popular everyone knew who i was - i got fresher of the year - i loved it!!! then typical me as soon as the work starts i cocoon myself I'm like a different person I'm bad a juggling work with play - i always put work first which is good in some aspects and bad in others - i wouldn't care if i was getting good grades and happy - but I'm just not.



I'm so down at the moment and I don't know why - i;m fed up with life, work and general stuff i just want to curl up in a ball - but no one knows, know one notices - i put on a brave happy face and everyone things you are fine - even though i am screaming a crying inside. I no it is pathetic that I'm getting so dramatic over my work but it is important to me and i just try so hard - i have my up and down like everyone just recently it has been down - i thought 2010 would be a better year but actually at the moment it sucks quite a bit. I have friends - but are they real friends i contact them and i care so much about people - how come they don't contact me or notice when I'm down.



I just want a day when i am happy, confident, high self esteem - the real me who i am but at the moment I'm just not and i don't thing anyone really knows or cares quite frankly.

Work Experience 1st -5th February

So the world of work, people complain, don't like it, its a thing I have to do' well you are obviously in the wrong field.
I have just spent a week down in London doing work experience. LOVE IT!!!!! i have actually always loved working - it is something about the suits, tiredness, the hard work, i actually like.

This week was really good i learnt so much and i felt like i belonged in a work place - everyone was so lovely and were really nice about me.

On the Wednesday i completed some work for one of my colleagues and after i gave it to her she sent me a very nice email saying ' just to alliterate what I just said, this is an impressive piece of work, right on brief and will be really useful for the client' she cc this message to the 2nd in command boss who then wrote to me saying ' this is really positive feedback can you not stay longer then a week' obviously i couldn't as i have uni but asked if it was possible to come back over the summer. I met her in her office later that day and her comments where truly heartwarming - her comments were things like you have made more of an impact in 3 days then people do in 6months, your work is so impressive and lots of people keep coming up to me saying how impressed they are with you - we would loved to actually offer you a job - WOW

This was not what i was expecting i felt to proud of myself - i was working for the 3rd biggest PR company in the world and they have offered me a job -amazing.
I loved working there too the people are sooo lovely there is a work mode in the office but also banter and they go to the pub and socialise - they are all friends - really nice place to work indeed

So as you can imagine I am please with myself being offered a job - I might see if after uni i can possibly get a job - I'm defiantly working there over the summer though.

This has been an amazing opportunity that will hopefully benefit me in the future :)

Me from the begining

So I'm going to try and start writing a blog - to write down my thoughts, my finds and my experiences. I'm going to have to back log lots as there is so much i would like to record but definitely going to start doing a weekly blog or random blogs when i feel something.

I will at some time incorporate my gap year travels and experience but that will be when i have time.

So I am a student at Nottingham Trent University studying Fashion Communication and Promotion - I know when people see the word fashion they think stupid but it is not like that at all it is a business course that incorporates - Advertising, marketing, PR, branding just with fashion so my case studies involve Paul Smith, Visual Merchandising and why things are designed and placed where they are instead of learning about BT and the Lehman brothers.

So i suppose I'm going to have to tell you a little bit about me and some personal stuff which will be very hard to write down as not many people know. So i am a 19year old girl and last year had the best and worst year of my life. A little update last year i was on my gap year and did a ski season in Meribel and went travelling around the world.

Good parts of course were those but i also got back with my long term boyfriend who broke up with me while i was on my season as he found it to hard his name is Nick and he is 22 - he is gorgeous, kind and i couldn't have got through these last few months without him - i am really grateful for that - he is the love of my life.

So number one of the bad things - while i was on my season i had an accident which involved me falling down the stairs no i was not drunk - i was actually working - through that I have compressed my spin and slightly broken my back - which is not good still get pains, the clicks are awful and the lumps of scare tissue in my back are sooooo attractive :) so that is shit but you can't do much about it, i just live on.

things come in 3s so be warned....

2nd thing which has happened which could be a result from me falling down the stairs was damaging something internally - i was getting very bad problem in my stomach/boule area - i couldn't lie on my front, i would get shooting pains every now and again - something which is nice to know is that i still don't no what it was as even after many test they have not clarified what it is - i even had an enema - which is not something you want when you are 19 :(

Now the big thing - which will shock you bearing in mind all this stuff was all happening at the same time and i was getting results all around the same time of bad news/ i don't know new tests - i found out everything 2days before starting my first year at university - somewhere you are meant to begin your life, be confident, social and enjoying life - well lets just say it is tiring keeping a front all the time - doctors, pain, embarrassment.

So 3rd mishap lets just say - while travelling i discovered one of my front teeth seemed a little wobbly - didn't quiet understand - i had it though for a while as even when i had my brace this one tooth would move from the day till the night. So like any of us concerned i went to my dentist as soon as i got back from travelling and her response was - it has to come out - WHAT!!!!! That tooth and the 2nd one along - if i don't take it out it will come out on its own - we will mould it and then within a few weeks or so you can go and get implants - the first omg - they are my front teeth - I'm 19 why is this happening - i have always had amazing teeth - 2 seconds in the chair and yep fine see you in 6 months :(

Thankfully though the implant people called me within days as, as i was so young and a rare case they wanted me to be Happy and rebuild my confidence as there was no real explanation for why these teeth had got wobbly. Then sitting in the chair while they checked all my other teeth before i could be fitted for the implants i get a sudden mmmmmm and a list of questions.

I'm afraid to say - but i can not diagnose this as it is really rare and i am not qualified to diagnose this but i think you are aggressive localised peridontitise - it is a very rare disease that 1% get and there are only 5 specialist in the country who treat it. OH MY GOD!!!!

what would be your response - me i cry...... basically means that i might need more teeth out, i have to go to a specialist hospital and see an expert they will say the next stage which i found out was antibiotics to see if they can control the disease and then from there you and me will both find out next Friday when i get the results - if it is good it means - that the disease is under control and i can have implants as at the moment all have have is a plate i have to take out every night - which is not the most attractive or high self esteem thing you want to have. Or the bad news is i will have to have surgery all under my gums - then i won't be able to have anything done for another 6month and then who knows???

So 3 things back, insides and teeth all at once - and has proved difficult - my self esteem is pretty shot - even though Nick has been amazing, i feel ugly, depressed but only on my own - in front of people i appear fine, bubbly and social - only 2 people know at uni - i don't want people to as then in someways even though it is, it becomes a reality. It is hard sometimes juggling everything as i play 2 sports at uni main one being lacrosse, i have a social life and work really hard - never miss a lecture or seminar. In my last week of uni before i broke up for Xmas i had a week from hell. I was not allowed to eat any food for 3 days starting from the Sunday, Monday i had a presentation - i then drove home after it - which take 2 1/2hrs for the night for an appointment on Tuesday where i had my enema, then Wednesday i had a tooth appointment in Birmingham when i had a prescription given to me for drugs to take over Christmas then drove up to Nottingham, did my lecture and seminar in the morning before driving back down to Telford for an MRI scan on my back then driving back up to Nottingham to go to my lecture in the morning on Friday and hand in my portfolio before going back home for the Christmas holidays that afternoon and getting stuck in 3hrs of traffic - what a week.

So yer this is quiet a lot of my life - I'm sorry if i have bored you.