Why do i bother working so hard?

So sorry this is going to be sad and a rant I'm afraid i have had a bit of a time lately - I no my last post was positive but this one is not so much.



My question to myself is why do i work so hard - i am such a geek when it comes to work - i have never missed a lecture or a seminar I do all the work and i try hard yet the grades are not the grades i deserve for the effort i feel i put in. It is soooo frustrating.

It i like i am back at school again where i work hard and the result i hope never come - i thought it would be different now that i am at uni and i have chosen a course i want to do but no still then same. The thing which really annoys me more then anything is people who don't go to lectures or seminars and wap the work out in a couple of days - it is so frustrating.



So from last post i get offered a job and now this - I'm so pissed off with myself - the work i put in never pays off. which really annoys me as i jeopardise everything as i want to be a success. During freshers week when i had no work or worries - i was actually popular everyone knew who i was - i got fresher of the year - i loved it!!! then typical me as soon as the work starts i cocoon myself I'm like a different person I'm bad a juggling work with play - i always put work first which is good in some aspects and bad in others - i wouldn't care if i was getting good grades and happy - but I'm just not.



I'm so down at the moment and I don't know why - i;m fed up with life, work and general stuff i just want to curl up in a ball - but no one knows, know one notices - i put on a brave happy face and everyone things you are fine - even though i am screaming a crying inside. I no it is pathetic that I'm getting so dramatic over my work but it is important to me and i just try so hard - i have my up and down like everyone just recently it has been down - i thought 2010 would be a better year but actually at the moment it sucks quite a bit. I have friends - but are they real friends i contact them and i care so much about people - how come they don't contact me or notice when I'm down.



I just want a day when i am happy, confident, high self esteem - the real me who i am but at the moment I'm just not and i don't thing anyone really knows or cares quite frankly.